Working for FGM
by Maleficent Angel
Summary: The working relationships in the potions factory - with emphasis on Fairy GodmotherKyle. Guest appearances by Jerome and Charming.Rated more for what is implied than what is described. Set during early scenes of Shrek 2. Please review! COMPLETE


**All characters and 'borrowed' movie scenes remain the property of the Shrek 2 crew. I have never and will never own them. This story is a result of too much caffeine and watching Shrek 2 too many times (is this possible?) in a short period of time.**

Preparations were underway for the arrival of Princess Fiona and her new husband. The kingdom of Far Far Away was in upheaval in order to finish decorating the palace, lining the streets and cooking the feast for the wedding ball. The situation was far more chaotic just outside the town however, in a small cottage attached to a large factory.

"Jerome!" a shrill voice echoed from the tannoy system on the reception desk, "in here, now!" The receptionist sighed, fatigued from his eight-hour shift. He leaned over and pressed the talk button.

"Yes Fairy Godmother, right away." Jerome walked over to the main doors, locking them securely to prevent any clients from entering the building while he was busy. Then he walked back through the cottage, through the door to the main factory and towards the Fairy Godmother's office. Muffled curses came through the heavy oak door to greet him as he approached. He opened the door.

The fairy was standing mid-room, struggling with her hair in front of a recently conjured mirror. She was flustered, more than was usual for her. Jerome closed the door behind him and coughed politely.

"Yes? Oh, it's you," Fairy Godmother turned back to her mirror and struggled with the hairbrush once more, "instruct Kyle to bring the carriage around."

"Will there be anything else Fairy Godmother?" asked Jerome, approaching carefully. He noticed she'd made a mess of the back of her hair and that her hair was refusing to hold any style. She seemed close to tears. He took the hairbrush from her hand gently, resulting in her flashing him a momentary look of hatred as she realised he'd seen her upset. Then she relaxed as he started brushing out her hair, removing the pins she'd already set into the rats' nest she had created. Jerome noticed her starting to shake and stopped momentarily. He slipped an arm around her shoulders, hugging her to his chest. Fairy Godmother's eyes watered, then she started to cry properly onto his shoulder. They stood like that for some time, before finally her sobs subsided and he released her.

"Thank you Jerome," she whispered quietly. Jerome finished styling her hair, then went to her desk and removed make-up wipes and her make-up set from the top drawer.

"You need to fix your face," he said carefully. "I hope this is not out of line Fairy Godmother, but I was wondering why you were so," he scrabbled for a non-offensive word, "tense?" He sensed that maybe he should have chosen a more tactful word when his employer's shoulders raised, but then she exhaled and relaxed again.

"I haven't seen my son for three years. Now I find that the princess he was to rescue is coming home with him as her new husband. I think perhaps I am entitled to be a little tense."

"Of course Fairy Godmother. My apologies for my ignorance." Fairy Godmother turned back from the mirror, her foundation and mascara complete but her eyeshadow only half applied. She considered Jerome for a moment, then smiled.

"What would I do without you Jerome?" She turned back to the mirror. Jerome watched her apply the finishing touches to her eyes. As she picked up the lipstick, he turned to the desk and waved a hand vaguely over the crystal ball to change the frequency from 'reception' to 'stable block' in order to call Kyle. He leaned over the desk and spoke into the tannoy, watching the Fairy Godmother preening in front of the mirror as he was connected through.

"Hi Kyle?"

"Jerome! Where do you need me?"

"In the office – park outside the cottage."

"Give me five minutes to finish polishing the carriage, I'll be there." Jerome stood and looked over to the fairy.

"He'll be here soon." Fairy Godmother, carried away with her appearance, twirled upwards fluttering her wings as she did so. Jerome handed her the trademark wand and straightened her glasses.

"Do I look alright?" she asked nervously. Jerome smiled.

"Wonderful. As always." Fairy Godmother grinned, then looked back at the mirror and seemed to notice something she hadn't seen before. Her wings lowered and her face slowly turned from happy to crestfallen.

"If only I wasn't so fat." Jerome gave an exasperated sigh and walked behind her. They looked at each other in the mirror. "Why would anyone find this attractive?" she asked.

"Kyle does – why don't you ask him when he gets here?" he answered.

"I'm not sure I'd get an unbiased answer. When we started seeing each other I was a lot fatter, so even this is an improvement as far as Kyle is concerned." Jerome looked at her.

"Then why are you worried? Kyle loved you when you were twice this size. And you look fantastic now." Jerome forgot himself for a moment as he put his hands on her waist, "And this has appeared from nowhere." He rested his hands for a moment, studying the older woman in the mirror. Jerome looked into her eyes and stroked her waist lightly. Part of him remembered his idle thoughts about the fairy from earlier in his employ. He found himself wondering what it would be like to embrace her fully, kiss her, perhaps make love to her. Jerome played with that thought for a while, looking at her figure in the mirror and envying Kyle. He suddenly stepped back, releasing her; both aware that a moment had just passed that could have ended very differently. Jerome shook himself and remembered that he was just the receptionist, that he was not in love with his employer and that he was in fact terrified of her 99% of the time. Fairy Godmother, relieved that he'd released her, looked thoughtful as she considered how he'd gently stroked her waist. She had also entertained thoughts of making love to her receptionist. Jerome certainly had a gentle touch. Then she remembered how much better it felt when Kyle touched her and smiled. She waved her wand, vanishing the mirror.

"So you think that Kyle will approve?" she asked, naturally flirting again with Jerome. Jerome laughed, reached for her hand and twirled her around.

"He's a fool if he does not, madam," he answered, kissing her hand and bowing before leaving the room. Jerome smiled to himself as he unlocked the cottage door and returned to his desk. Ultimately, he was in fear of the nagging, whining fairy. Sometimes however, he could see the attraction of the woman that had drawn in Kyle years earlier. She was sexy, had always been so and was, whatever she said about her diet, waist measurement or looks, reasonably confident in her body which more than made up for a few extra pounds. Jerome sometimes wished Kyle had not arrived that he might have had an opportunity to know the 'real' Fairy Godmother. Then an image of her reddened, shouting face formed in his mind from the day before and he dismissed those thoughts. She made an entertaining fantasy, but realistically she was too unbalanced to have a relationship with. At least for me, thought Jerome. Kyle's quite welcome to her.

On cue, Kyle entered the cottage. The chauffeur was considerably taller than Jerome (who was himself just a little shorter than the Fairy Godmother) and much more muscular. Jerome could guess why his employer preferred the chauffeur to himself. Kyle was a prime example of masculinity with a charming smile and manner. He was also utterly devoted to the fairy, fiercely defending her a year earlier when the Keebler elves had tried to take the factory back by force. Jerome had seen Fairy Godmother fall deeper for Kyle that day, if that were at all possible. Kyle waved at Jerome as he passed, the two friends exchanging smiles. Kyle had known Jerome before starting at the potions factory and the two had remained friends since, often taking the carriage out for an unofficial trip to the Poisoned Apple after dropping off their employer in the evenings. Jerome had a feeling that the Fairy Godmother knew exactly what they were up to, but also that Kyle's relationship with her prevented any unfortunate backlash from joyriding in her carriage.

Kyle walked up the corridor to the office and took in the atmosphere of the bustling factory. He was always impressed by the volume of potions bottled and labelled in the main room, but knew that the first step of every potion was the actual mixing by Fairy Godmother in the office. He'd often watched as she swooped over the large cauldron, mixing brew after brew. He enjoyed watching her mix love potions – too often the fumes would become too much and the two would get carried away on the magical effects. Not that either would complain too much. He remembered the first time they'd kissed had been in the office. She had been mixing some kind of hair tonic and had not noticed Kyle entering the office. Fairy Godmother had been singing a rather unkind made-up song about baldness and how she didn't really care about receding hairlines but rather liked money. Spinning around, she'd spotted Kyle and was horrified he'd seen her playing around. She froze, forgetting she was flying above the mixing pot. As soon as her wings stopped moving, gravity took over and sent her crashing into the mix. Kyle had run quickly to her aid, pulling her out of the green ooze and receiving a mouthful of abuse in response. Before the potion could have an effect on hair growth, Fairy Godmother used her wand to clean the two of them up. Kyle remembered thanking her, then looking at her hair and realising it had been stained green. It had taken a lot of courage to tell her, but even more to stay in the room while she tried (and failed) to improve the colour. She finally gave up, collapsing on the floor in front of a mirror and starting to weep. Kyle could recall how much she had prized her long lavender hair, caring more for the locks than for the rest of her body. Kyle had knelt next to her and told her that he would somehow make this up to her. She'd responded by pummelling her fists into his chest, screaming abuse at him about how he was useless, fired and couldn't he learn to knock? Kyle had taken this for a while, then caught her wrists in his hands before planting a quick kiss on her lips. This had shocked her into silence for a few moments, during which Kyle had flattered her on her appearance and told her that no matter what colour her hair was she would still be beautiful to him. Fairy Godmother always reacted well to flattery and had leaned forward slightly, inviting Kyle to kiss her again. Kyle could still remember trembling as he'd released her hands and stroked her hair as they'd kissed. Years later, he still knocked before entering the office.

Kyle rapped twice on the door.

"Come in!" shouted a commanding voice. Kyle swept elegantly into the office, closing the door behind him. Fairy Godmother was so much thinner than the day he'd first kissed her, but was permanently on a diet to try and lose more weight. Kyle didn't really care what size she was – she had many wonderful attributes and he honestly didn't notice her waistline anymore. Yes, she did look better in an evening dress now and her bosom was more defined. However her appearance didn't matter as much to him as the feeling he had when he swept her into his arms and kissed her. Kyle realised she was staring at him and remembered he should have said something by now.

"You look wonderful," he started, "I like the hair..." Fairy Godmother laughed and flew over to him, stopping just out of reach.

"Do I look good enough to greet my new daughter in law?"

"Yes. More than good enough. And Charming will be impressed."

"Do you think I should call to find out when they're coming back?"

"Yes. Would you like me to call for you?"

"No, I'll do it. I am his mother after all!" Fairy Godmother whisked her hand out and drew some symbols in the air. A flickering image of Charming reaching into his pocket and lifting a hand mirror to his face slowly came into focus.

"Mother! How wonderful! I need to talk to you mother – I'm coming home!"

"Yes, yes, yes I know darling – when will you be here?"

"How did you know?"

"News travels fast darling – you look so tired – would you like me to arrange a massage for you when you get here?"

"No mother, I can't believe this has happened. I'll call you when I get to the Poison Apple. Could you pick me up?"

"Of course. Are you alright darling? How is Fiona?"

"She's free from the tower. I assume she's delighted."

"Haven't you asked her?"

"How could I..." Charming broke off. "Mother, I have to go. Call you later." Charming pocketed the mirror quickly and sped off on his steed as the dragon he'd thus far managed to avoid spotted him and swooped down. Charming managed to dodge it easily and headed into the woods where he would be shielded from view. No princess was worth this, thought Charming glumly.

"He looked dreadful – his hair was such a mess! Do you think everything is alright Kyle?" Fairy Godmother started sweeping back and forth across the room as she always did when nervous. Kyle caught her waist as she passed and pulled her down to ground.

"Calm down. You've trained him well and he calls you when things get too dire for advice. You'll fix his hair within minutes. Everything is alright!" Kyle pulled himself closer to her, wrapping both arms around her back. "More than alright in fact," he said, nuzzling down into her neck. Kyle was bent almost double, their height difference causing its usual problem. Fairy Godmother fluttered her wings to raise herself to Kyle's height. She sighed as Kyle held her close and felt him snake his hands across her back to pull her closer. She put her arms around his neck.

"We won't be going anywhere for a while I'm afraid. You may have had a wasted trip – I should probably wait for Charming's call." Fairy Godmother sighed. "Would you like me to lock the door?" she asked as Kyle buried himself in her neck again.

"Mmm-hmmm" came the reply. Fairy Godmother waved her wand in the direction of the door, locking it.

That night, at around nine o'clock, the crystal ball in the potions factory office flickered into life with an image of a balcony at the palace. Fairy Godmother stirred from sleep and raised her head from Kyle's shoulder. The two had been curled up behind her desk. Straightening her hair and pulling on her glasses, Fairy Godmother focused on the image.

"It's the palace – quickly Kyle!" She took his hand in hers, waved her wand and within moments the two were standing next to the carriage. Kyle jumped into the driver's seat and Fairy Godmother flew into the back. Within fifteen seconds of the call, the carriage was speeding to the palace.

Fairy Godmother always relished the chance to impress her clients with a magic show, but she sensed that perhaps things were not going to be quite so easy. Perhaps this girl – who had clearly escaped the tower under her own power and not been rescued by Prince Charming as planned – was too dim to realise the sense of a happy ending married to Prince Charming? Perhaps she was too simple to be married to the fairy's son? Fairy Godmother was most irritated that Charming had called her on the way to the palace to be picked up. He'd have to wait. By the time Shrek entered the room and Fairy Godmother found out who Fiona's new husband was, the woman was blowing a fuse, embroiled in her anger. She covered well, flying into the carriage with only a hint of impatience.

"Who's the ogre?" asked Kyle through the window behind the driver's seat.

"Fiona's husband. Pick up Charming quickly and then get back to the palace," answered Fairy Godmother coolly.

"What are you planning?" asked Kyle worriedly.

"Mind you own damn business Kyle, this is family. And pick up those two bouncers from the Poison Apple while you're at it." Fairy Godmother slammed the window shut and started sulking. Outside the carriage, Kyle glared at the sky ahead.

"Charming. Utterly charming. Bloody woman!" He spotted Charming below, and put the carriage into a steep nose-dive. A shriek from inside indicated he'd caught the Fairy Godmother off balance. He chuckled quietly at the act of revenge. No doubt she would pay him back later.

An hour later, the king chastised, the bouncers returned to the pub and Charming returned to his apartment, Kyle sat in the driver's seat slowly guiding the carriage back to the cottage. He and Fairy Godmother had yet to speak to each other since picking up Charming. It was unusual for her to stay quiet this long – they would usually have had a blazing argument by now. Finally Kyle could take it no longer and stopped the carriage mid-air. He climbed over the roof and slipped carefully onto the foot-plate, opening the door as he did so. He pulled himself into the carriage and closed the door behind him. Kyle sat opposite Fairy Godmother, who stared at him impassively.

"Is there anything else you want tonight Dama?" asked Kyle. He rarely used her 'real' name, a name she'd stopped using in public years ago when she became the official Far Far Away Fairy Godmother. She looked uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "But everything's gone wrong! Fiona's married to an ogre and Charming thinks I'm incompetent! And you saw that idiot king! What am I to do Kyle?"

"Couldn't you just let them live happily ever after?"

"What about Charming?"

"He could marry another princess. One who loved him, not an ogre. One who is in fact human."

"No, there was a deal and Harold will stick by it. He's going to have to deal with it." Fairy Godmother tensed again and closed her eyes. "When will people learn? Princesses are beautiful unless cursed, and if cursed only true love's kiss will break the spell and true loves are always handsome princes. Like Charming. Stories cannot be changed or life loses all meaning!"

"I think perhaps your work is taking some sort of toll on you. Take a holiday tomorrow."

"Are you saying I'm..." started Fairy Godmother.

"Overreacting. Yes. Take a day or two off. Fiona will still be married to Shrek and Charming will still be single tomorrow, the next day or next year." Fairy Godmother stared out of the window, then gave an irritated sigh.

"No. I think not." Kyle reached over and took her hands.

"I'm here for you. What do you need me to do?"

"Take me home and leave me alone for tonight. Tomorrow I'll decide whether to have my revenge on Shrek. But leave me alone Kyle. I'm not a nice person – I will have Charming married to Fiona before the year is through and he will inherit this kingdom! Accept that fact and maybe we can be happy. Stop trying to guilt-trip me!"

The next day Shrek stole a potion and the rest, as they say, is history.


End file.
